Living life

The Joy of Being Content

I’ve just come home at the end of the day.  It’s mid-May and it’s raining hard here in London…again.  The sky is grey and the water pours off my umbrella.

And yet, as I get home and make myself a cup of tea, I feel a deep and profound sense of contentment.  Not the kind of giddy happiness of good news; it’s not exhilarating or euphoric.  I just feel happy.  Like there is a warm glow – a deep yellow-orange light like sunshine at the end of the day – right in the centre of being.  There is a little hint of a smile playing on the corners of my mouth, a private smile to myself but one that makes me touch each and every person, like I could pass this feeling on.

For the first time in a long time, I feel the urge to write.  I can feel the words flowing through me; they pour through my head, into my fingers and out onto the keyboard.

I post something on Instagram.  It’s not much; I can’t find an image that sums up how this feels but I feel the need to tell the world that I feel…well, I feel satisfied.  Like it all makes sense.  Which is funny, because it really doesn’t right now – I don’t know what my purpose is or how I’m going to make this portfolio career thing work – but none of that matters.  That’s all just “stuff”.  What matters is this feeling – this is what I wanted to create.  This is how I wanted to feel last year when I was crying in the toilets at work, when life felt dark and hopeless, when I just wanted to curl up under the duvet and never come out again.

This is why I left my job (yep, again – this journey of transition continues).  Because I knew, deep down, that there was more to life than seniority and status and responsibility.  Because I wanted work that I didn’t need to balance; a life that I didn’t need a holiday from.  Because I knew I wasn’t happy and I knew I could be.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s not all sunshine and kittens.  I slept badly last night, waking up at 3am worrying about money (totally unnecessarily but I’m learning that the downside of freelancing is that you always have one eye on what happens after this contract ends).  I’ve had some really dull, drawdown days doing work that doesn’t exactly thrill me.  But it’s all worth it for days like today….having a little lie-in (until 7am, people, 7am!), going for a run in the sunshine (this is London and it can’t be spring without experiencing at least one other season in a day), pottering through my day and getting loads of good stuff done, then coming and spending some time with someone special.  I love that I can work at my own pace, moving to tasks as I want to rather than on someone else’s demands and schedule – the flow feels good, people!

So that’s it.  There’s no real point to this post and that’s fine.  It simply feels good to acknowledge how I’m feeling and to write – who knows, maybe this marks a new period of regular writing again.  Or maybe not.  It doesn’t matter.

Whatever you’re up to as you read this, I wish you joy.  Sending you all light and love xxx

10 thoughts on “The Joy of Being Content”

  1. What if you don’t have that feeling of contentment, and have exhausted all hope of finding it? What then?
    It’s really difficult to move forward if there’s no hope and no lover to ease the pain.

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    1. Oh my darling, there is always hope…please don’t give up. I went through a really dark time myself at the end of the last year. I know it can feel like there is no light at the end of the tunnel but I know that the light is there for you. There are so many people out there who can help you – if you aren’t safe, please reach out to your doctor or an organisation like The Samaritans. It takes time and energy (and perhaps medical help) but please know that these feelings of contentment are here for you too. I don’t have them all the time but, with practice, I am getting better at cultivating them for myself. I don’t know your name but I am sending all my love to you this evening. Take care of yourself, my darling, you are one of a kind xxx

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  2. Thank you so much. Your loving reply brought me to tears. So surprised and touched. Just the fact that you cared to reply in such a way to some random person’s comment. You’re very sweet. 💕

    I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through your own dark time. I know it can be hard to maintain balance. From where I sit though, you look like a polished diamond. 💎💕

    Thank you for worrying about my safety. I didn’t mean to cause concern. I’m fine. Truly. I’m safe. I have reasons to stay. 💕

    I’ve lived off of hope for a long time, never expecting it to run out. But it has. Sometimes things happen that you can’t recover from. It just is. And it’s a burden far too heavy to bear – ask the men who leave. But fighting without the promise of hope or the healing of love is tough going.
    Isolating. Exhausting.

    Thank you for caring xxx

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    1. I’m so glad to hear that you’re safe and okay. Your pain was so palpable in your comment and I couldn’t have ignored that if I tried. I hope it helps.

      I am still learning every day. All these practices are just that….practices! Read my post titled Sometimes – you’ll see that I’m far from polished 💕

      One lesson I keep learning is that the healing power of love comes from within us, not from outside. I know that can be really hard to hear and put into practice but it’s so true. I recommend Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton and the wonderful Project Love course run by Vicky and Selina (available online) – their course helped me so much 💕

      I can’t guess at what has broken your heart. Please know that you are not alone. You are in my thoughts and in my heart. Sending lots of love to you xx

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      1. Thank you. 💕
        You’re lovely.
        I will certainly look up all the resources you mentioned.

        I was trying to retrace my steps as to how I found you….

        Are you Twitter?
        Xx

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